Day 8 - The good, the bad, and the ugly

Well weigh in was today - so we'll start with that:

I was a bit disappointed with the weight loss seeing as how I'm starting with such a high number but OK down is down... The great thing was some inches (centimeters) off my waist and hips. I'd have thought with all the pushups and squats something would have happened to my arms and legs but hey, my body has other things in mind. Anyway - if I do this again next week - I'll take it :-).

I had the 'sleepies' hangover from too much sleep yesterday but went and worked out - and got my early morning (5:30 am) workout in. Then I didn't have to be in to work til 10:30 so I did another workout at 9:00. All was well.

Then husband pressed the PLAY button on FIGHT NUMBER 5. (I figure if we just record our fights there are about 10 that we have consistently - so it would save a lot of energy if we just played the tape instead of having the same old fight again.) Anyway - fight number 5 has to do with me working too much (because he stays home and takes care of our son this year, last year I did it) and not caring about my family, my house, fill in the blank. Anyway - I've learned not to fight back - just to listen. He is the type who can really rant and rant and go on and on. I'm more the say few things but mean them person.

Anyway - I replied to all the ranting by telling him to please quit talking about (this has been going on some time) and DO something about it. But he feels trapped. If we get divorced, then we will have to sell the house (which is his pride and joy) and he will have to return to work as it is almost always so in Denmark that people get joint custody - and he can't get stay-at-home money if he is only here part time. So he went on and on about how I have trapped him, it is because of me that he can't just have his cake and eat it too (my phrase not his), etc.

(a little past history here - about 2 or 3 years ago I had several incidents with my heart where I ended up in the hospital. They turned out to be angina but scary scary anyway)

THEN - he says: "Hopefully, the next time you go to the hospital with a heart attack you never come home!". My jaw dropped. I am pretty used to him saying some really out of no where stuff - but this was shocking. I just looked at him and ran down the stairs. He yelled after me: "I didn't mean it" then went in his room and slammed the door.

The next part is childish of me (I know) but I'm going to tell it all... Because he ALWAYS says ugly things and then 1 hour later says he didn't say them and that I am making them up (this has always gone on ever since I married him - not before). I went downstairs and wrote on several pieces of paper what he said, exactly (including date and time). Then I took tape and hung them up all over the house.

He came downstairs and said: "We need to talk". I said: "Oh no - we've had plenty of that for today. Do NOT talk to me. Leave me alone before something even worse gets said (What could be worse?)."

I packed my lunch. Took my stuff and left for work. I came home late. I made my dinner and ignored both my son and my husband (because my son was on my husband's lap and he wouldn't give him to me and there is no point in him being involved so I just decided to leave it).

After he took our son to bed, he said "Wow - what a great mom you are who can't even be with her son after work." I just kept on making my supper ready to cook - then went to workout (and be away).

And - can you believe it - while I was really really kicking butt on the pyramid (anger as fuel again) - when I was doing the tricep bench thingy - something pulled hard in my left leg. I kept on - determined and angry - but I had to really take it easy with that leg. Now I can't even go up the stairs with it. Something in my thigh. So I've got an ice pack on now. I'm going to take ibuprofen to try to keep the swelling down - and TOMORROW I am going to be FINE!

In a weird way - the focus on this diet is keeping me sane these days. Normally I would use food, or wine, to calm me down after some event like this (OK this was sort of an over the top event). Today, I worked out. Today, I wrote my blog. Tomorrow - I don't know what I will do - but I will not carry anger with me thru the night and I will do my best to not hold onto anger tomorrow. The only person that hurts is me - and I'm trying to get better!

So - that's it. The good, the bad, and the very, very ugly!