I did it! Day 2. I even had a birthday dinner I had to cook tonight and I managed to separate food out - so they got 'theirs' the 'good' way and I got mine the 'right' way!
Got up early before my son and did the Meltdown. Having that out of the way honestly made the rest of the day seem much easier - though I don't know what I'm going to do when I have to go back to work.
I'm trying to keep this blog about my 'diet' or 'torture' or 'craziness' or whatever you want to call it. However, I can't seem to separate out my personal issues from my food/exercise/life style issues. I used to be able to compartmentalise so much better. That feeling (or relationship or situation) in THAT box - this feeling in this box, etc. Now it's all blended together. I feel, on one hand, like I'm really being a bitch (no other word for it sorry). Why? Because I'm saying "No, I won't do that" or "Sorry - but I need to do this for me" or (like tonight): "Hey I baked you the cake, made the food, and I'm here to celebrate but it isn't personal that I'm not eating the same food as you".
So - what started as an OK, calm day has ended off with me annoyed - again. Thus my title today - I want the people in my life to either lead me in a positive direction (spiritually, mentally, physically, etc), follow me, or get OUT OF MY WAY.
If 2010 ends with me in the same situation I'm in now - I will have given in. I'll be nothing more than a piece of clay that others mold and shape to fit their wants and needs. I will get more tattered, more discolored, and eventually be unrecognisable. So, for now - I'm going with PISSED OFF. If that is what motivates me - then so be it. I'm pissed off (sorry for the language) that it is NOT OK for me to do 'my' thing, it is NOT OK for me to have needs that don't accomodate everyone else, and it is NOT OK for me to be me.
The anger is the fuel for the fire right now. I know, over time, that it will be replaced by other healthier things - but for now anger (annoyance) is how I'm dealing with it.
Blah blah... I did ALL my workouts, ate VERY well (maybe too many lentils but they are allowed!), and I FINISHED DAY TWO. Crossed fingers and prayers on wings for a good day tomorrow!
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Hey - it IS okay to do your thing!! First order of business is to take care of yourself, and then you can take care of the family. We tend to forget that all the time, being the middle aged women that we are. So don't feel guilty about doing this, and hopefully they will understand.
ReplyDeleteAwesome job on the food and the workouts, keep going (and don't forget that you have a right to do your thing...
Kelly, it IS okay, just like Annette said! I am a much better woman to be around if I take care of me first! It is not selfish! If they don't get it then whatever!! You do what YOU need to do. We get you! HUGS, darlin'!
ReplyDeleteThank you Annette and Mary! I do know it's ok - but when faced with the whining, nagging, complaining, etc. it is HARD. Mary you are right - I will be a better person to be around. My husband might not like that person - but that is something we will have to see.
ReplyDeleteMy son is having surgery this week - and I'm planning how to keep my diet, and do my exercises right in the hospital. My husband will be thoroughly disgusted and embarrassed - but you are also right Annette, I need to take care of myself in order to take care of my family!
Thank you both! (And picture me, on the hospital floor doing my pushups and russian twists! :-) - going to be worth remembering for sure!)
If you had diabetes or celiac disease, or some other allergy, you would have to eat different from your family. (Unless you put them on the diet too!) I think too much weight is a symptom as well. You are doing the right thing by making healthy choices for your body. When we thought our son had celiac a few years back it was a huge emotional hurdle for my husband especially, to deal with the dietary changes. But, when it comes right down to it, the biggest challenges may be the way we are thinking, not the eating/diet/exercise. Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteI'm a middle-aged man and I say screw him. He's clearly not interested in what's best for you. You're not being a bitch - you're being an adult. You're taking your health seriously so you can be there for your child for a good long time.
ReplyDeleteI've never met this guy but I want to smack him...