Day 10 - "You can't hire someone else to do your push-ups for you"

The quote is by Jim Rohn. I started reading Jack Canfield's book "How to get from where you are to where you want to be". It is wonderful. All stuff you intuitively know - but have thrown out the door. I'm reading, underlining, making notes. It really gave me a great sense of perspective today. About taking 100% responsibility for where I am in my life.

He gave an equation: E + R = O (Events + Responses = Outcome). He talks about that events happen (sometimes self-inflicted, sometimes not) but it is your responses that will determine the outcome. This has been so try for me. My responses are usually brave and upbeat - but they aren't responses that would change the outcome. That is where I have been falling down. So for example, when my husband says really awful things to me (I'm painting the picture that he is an awful person which he is not - but he can sometimes be a really awful person to me and a few other people that are close to him) - I respond (usually) calmly, or I walk away. But that doesn't change the outcome at all. I thought - Wow, I'm being really great by not fighting back, by not allowing him to provoke me - but I was not responding in a way that would change the outcome.

So today, when he started in on me again (this is still from the other day) - I said: "I've told you what I want in a divorce and you don't agree. Please send me an email with what you think would be fair for me to receive." He FREAKED. I just kept repeating that I did not want to fight, this wasn't a fight - but we have moved to that place now (thanks to a lot of things, but the icing on the cake was the other day) where it is time to say - how can we move on? Honestly, I don't know if that means with or without him but I'm thinking that I'm going to keep making all these changes with the Dax Moy program and THEN I'm going to make a lot of other changes. I'm going to change ALL my responses (one at a time but I AM going to do it) until I get the outcomes I want. This might mean that he cannot live with me or love me anymore - and that may be how it is. I'm finished with letting life (my personal life - I'm not like this at work at all) be tossed around like a ship lost at sea.

I managed all my foods, my exercises, and spent 90% of the day with my son. He is such an angel - truly only in the "NOW" - but he is a handful too.

We've had no internet most of yesterday and today due to a major snowstorm which closed everything down. I think the snow is clearing so I will have to be at work at 8:00 am tomorrow for exams. Not looking forward to it really - but the students are always wonderful - so that will be refreshing.

And P.S. - a little secret - I have to go on a business trip starting on Thursday. I won't be back til February 1. I'm going to Malaysia and China. I'm so damned determined that during that time period I am going to give 110% to the 30/30 project that when I come back people won't recognise me! :-) I've already told my colleage/translator that he has to explain I'm on a special program due to stomach problems and can only take certain foods (because they love to FEED you - especially in China). So hopefully that will overcome insulting anyone. I've also booked only hotels with fitness rooms - and I'm going to come back glowing. THAT is my goal for February 1.

P.P.S. I need to write down a lot of other goals - because if they aren't written, you won't get there. But I'm sticking with this goal for now. It is consuming all my time and energy. However, if I accomplish it - who KNOWS what I can accomplish next!

Have a great day!